Its been awhile...

Sorry its been awhile since I last posted. I promised this year I would do better and I did for awhle then it went all to crap. SO..I turned 31 and got a real big girl JOB! Yep, no more pajama days and drinking coffee all day life...I am a nine to fiver-er. Well, a 730 leave for columbia to be ready for work at 830 driving home in rush hour ttaffiic for 45 mins job! So I now work in the medical research field. I am research assistant for a company called Rx trials. Its compelty different than antyhing Ive done before. I'm in a office, inside a big medical practice. I feel slightly inadequate to the other girls because i have no knowledge of anything! One thing i do have to say is everyone is so nice!!!!!!! I'm getting the jist of medical research life and am even assigned my first study. COLOSCOPYS. Ha. Yep, what a shitty job but hey someones gotta do it! So i'm a working girl, learning and more tired than ever but this is a good thing! I'm looking forward to learning more and growing and maybe finding a rich doctor? IM KIDDING!  So thats what new with me, things you can probably imagine are hectic. Lacrosse starts tomorrow for Drew, soccer is ending and i'mstill working at Berthas the weekends! Can't give up that job, i love my Berthas crew and even my cute boss.  The life of a single mom, 2 jobs...I'm gonna make it. p.s sorry for the typos! I need a fill in - my nails are getting tyoo long! oops!

Brushing my teef

   Me: Lilly! What are you doing?

   Lilly:  Just brushing my teef with Kaya's toof brush, I already brushed my teef and now I'm brushing my
   teef again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Playground time

No i didnt forget...

 I havent forgotten my first born Drew. I wanna say how proud I am of her lately. Adjusting to middle scbool ha s been tough on her.  Kids are mean, bullying is a real thing and the work is tough. You want to give your children room and space to grow and make decisions, the right decisions but you also want to keep them in a little bubble and protect them forever. With Drew's impending age of 12 approaching in March I get nervous. Teenage years are coming and she's going thru alot. Not only the middle thing but life without two married parents and spending time with each parent. I know its hard and probably the most hardest on Drew. She's active in soccer for all seasons and let me tell you....making her mama proud! I love going to her games. I feel like I have terets becuase I yell and say things that I dont even control. I usually get yelled at the end of each game but Drew knows im just excited.  I'm also proud to say she had a freakin great report card! Drew is such a good kid, homebody and quiet.  Doesn't need to go out and do stuff, see a movie or eat at a resturant. She loves being home and loves hugs. I have to admit we've had our share of problems esp since the split but she and I have become very close latley and as a mother I love it.  Drew , you make me one proud mother. Love u.

#2

   Kaya Marley is my #2 daughter. Born second ,  Kaya is special to me. She is going to be 8 years old in April. I planned my pregnancy with Kaya, I wanted her to be born in the Spring and everything went as expected. Well, most everything. From the minute I took a pregnancy test I was sick. I was sick for 9 whole months with Kaya. I puked and dry heaved every single day. I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt do anything. Had to be put on chemotherpy medication for nausesness and counted the days till delivery. I was due April 24th 2004. Around the first week in April I started begging my doctor to induce me, I also did all the things you can start doing to bring on labor...walking constantly. Bouncing on balls, you name it.  The second week in april I was already dilated and my doctor was going to do some precedure to make labor come on and it was horrific. Painful but I did it. She knew I was so miserable, still puking and couldnt eat. I still walked, walked Arundel Mills mall and White marsh mall and the neighborhood. This is digusting, I gave myself enemas to make myself  go to the bathrrom becuase the process of cleaning yourslef out can bring on labor. I was crazy. One day I was feeling horrible and walked all around and bounced on a ball and went to bed that night not feeling hot. Woke up around 12:40 in severe pain. Needless to say Kaya came like a bolt of lightening in one hour and forty mins later.April 16th, 8 days early! No epidurial,  she came fast. When I looked at that small dark haired baby despite the misery of 9 months and misery of complete natural childbirth in less than 2 hrs I was so in love. She had dark fuzz down her back and face, looked just like her father I was so bummed. All this pain for the kid to look like her dad! What the heck!  Just like the first day of pregnancy I was sick, the first day of life for Kaya....she cried. And cried. And cried. Months passed and she still cried, only at night but she cried. During the day...pure joy and happiness. At night she cried.  I didnt know what I did wrong or what was wrong but it was agony I admit. We nicknamed her Krya.. finally around 2 yrs old while I was pregnant with baby number three, Ava we found out she had several problems. First lactose intorlerant, stomach issues with sugar and possible night terrors. Poor child. Now at almost 8 she is the happiest child.  Never met a child more loving and affectionate. She loves life. She loves her friends and family , she loves outdoors but loves tv. Loves hugs and cuddling. Loves her cat Maxie. Loves her bear ' beary' and loves god and her church family. Loves food, loves comfty clothes. Loves seeing her dad. Loves writing in journals and reading books. Loves her sisters and her Mama.  I know some people say things about middle children and such but with Kaya she is no middle child. She is energetic and enthuiastic about everything. I love the energy and joy of life about Kaya. She is so full love. I am sad to see her turning 8 and growing up on me. I love waking up to that toothless smile wanting to cuddle. Dropping her off at school where she eagerly jumps out of the car so excited to be there! Listening to her prayers as she prays for her already dead family members and dead dog that they all have a great time in heaven. Also that she has good days in school and sometimes that she gets stuff like presents but also for sick family and how she is thankful for everyone !  I look forward to seeing the wondeful person Kaya will become.  She inspires me on days where I dont feel like getting out of bed to get up and be happy.  Since the first day I antipated this little girls arrival has been full of surprises but in the end, Kaya will always have this extra special place in my heart.

February already...

Feels barly like winter, barly like 2012..and February is already here. I miss the days when it snowed and schools were closed and we were stuck indoors watching t.v or outiside making snow angels. Now if schools are closed I'm dreading it secretly because the kids will be home. Bored after 5 minutes and tracking snow and water everywhere.  Ha. Thats terribly to say outloud i know. I'll just stick to thinking it. Anyway, no snow around here lately. Seems like as I get older the time goes by faster and seasons seem to get shorter for some reason. A reason unknown to me, maybe I'm just getting older. Speaking of getting older. My birthday is next Monday. The big 3-1! I also remember the days when birthdays meant parties and presents and cake.  I will miss the party and presents, hoping to get a cake.  I can't say I'm dreading 31, turning 30 has shown me new meaning to life and love and happiness. Also a new way of life, choices and all around attiude towards everything.  Since my seperation I've became sorta free in more ways than one. Kinda carefree, which as my dad says I need to crack down better on the important things like bills and money.  Ive just came to terms that money to me means nothing. Money doesnt buy happiness nor does it buy love . 30 has shown me more confidence in just about everything I do, I've switched career paths, i guess you could say career? and i love it. Yes i need a new job , I do have a interview next week for a new job but Ive been learning to adapt and cope in all situations. I can honeslty say more good and bad have happened to me in the last year than ever in my life.  I'm excited to see what 31 brings me. Whatever it is, bring it on...I'm ready.

Let me outta here.

I love the fact that I live next door to my mom and dad and when I come outside this is what I see at the front door. Lilly...usually jumping up and down trying to unlock the front door to run to my house! Or run outside! This girl cannot wait for Spring, we are going to have our hands full keeping her in the yard because all she wants to do is run and play. Which is awesome, yet exhausting.  The other I was outside walking over to my mom's ....this is what greeted me. haha....get the windex Ma...

where's lilly?

Kisses

Favorite

Ok so as you all know, I have three amazing daughters. Some say I tend to favor my youngest , Ava. I dont agree with this entirely but I will admit she and I do get to spend alot of time together because I am home during the day with her. The other day I was playing with my camera and got some really good shots before she headed to school.  Heres a few- and no she's not my favorite. She's just so darm cute.

Just thinking.

Just thinking, the kids are with Mike this weekend and here it is snowing. Fun. First snow without the kids...kinda saddening :/  This weekend is already starting out to be fabulous.

From the mouth of.......AVA

 So Sunday night Ava asked to sleep with big sister Drew. Drew uncomfortably says yes, because sometimes Ava pees the bed. Monday morning the kids are playing Im dressing for work and Ava marches in my room in full Cinderella gear with a mad look upon her princess face. This is what she says:

Ava: MOM! Drew says I smell like farts......and I DONT! I smell like PEE!
Drew: PEE! what? MOM!!!
Ava: What? I didnt pee in your bed, just in my underwear....jeesh.

life at berthas.

                        This is a schedule pic from last year.. take a close look...

               Probably my favorite guy to work with...sorry fella's

                                Men's bathroom...looks much better from outside.....

 How do we beat the Monday blues? Dutch Russians that is...

The mayor of Fells...Bob. I showed him this pic and he asked me who it was? Haha...

                                               Boss

 This is my daily companion throughout the day shift. Luckily he speaks alot of english, loves getting hickeys and thinks i'm numero uno!

                                                                               This is me..

                                                              Resident sexual harrasser.

Leaves

 Lilly loves my house! As soon as I see her she says in her above average soon to be 2 year old voice ' Wanna go over Jenn's house" . I took this in November on a nice day with the falling leaves. She probably felt like Beyonces baby bump with me and the camera. Haha..but I got some really good shots. I love this little girl and her big round head and over flowing crazy hair. The way she holds her arm when she runs and squishes up her cute little face when she laughs.  You will see tons of pics of this one...my favorite little Lilly.

Lesson Learned

I'm annoyed today so this may come off as a rant.  Whatever. Take as it as you will , I have my period and I'm grumpy. My vehicle gives me nothing but problems. Its one of those ' you can not rely on your car' car. It makes sounds, jerks, kicks, smells, doesnt run, shreeeks, squeels...you name it. It does it. It annoys me. Its been in the shop since friday. So ive been relying on friends and family for transportation. Fun huh, yeah you can only imagine having your mom and pop drive you and your three kids places. You definetly realize having a car, even a unreliable one is a luxury.

I hate days like these, ones that you plan to be productive and good yet get f-ed by small hiccups like your car not done in the shop. My friend told me tonight i need a lesson in ' coping' . Coping-- really? Because as he says ' its just a car' . Really what a girl on day 2 of her period wants to hear...you need a lesson in coping. Pssssh.

The kids are with their dad tonight, its Tuesday so i have a quiet house to my self. Nights like these i find myself wandering through the house...looking for stuff to do, kids to talk to , yell at ....i sweep like a dozen times. Talk to my cat, who is pregnant by the way. Nipples galore! I talk to the tv, laugh loudly and obnoxiously. Try to relax on the couch but can't. Squirm all around...enjoy the quiet but miss the chaoz.

Did I ever tell you i love the show Tori and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood? Well guess what, i do . I love it. I even more love sTORIbook weddings. Guess i Love Tori Spelling.  Maybe i just love her family life. I love those adorbale kids and her ever so warm and loving Dean McDermott Hubby.  I love her candiness and honestly.  Well that was on tonight, I kinda wish it was on at 8 on a monday so the girls could watch it with me. Instead i watch it alone , recording it so tomorrow morning when returning home from daddy's we can watch it together before school...they LOVE it more then i do.  Its becoming a little girl time for us. A little Tori Time. We learn new crafts and food ideas, decorating tips, style tips...shit, maybe Tori can teach me a bit about coping? Lesson learned Miss Spelling.

      
              "I’m looking for love.
                      Real love.
Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,   can’t-live-without-each-other love.”

                Carrie Bradshaw
     ~ and that about sums me up.

From the mouth of.......AVA

Ok so my 5 year old Ava says the most hysterical things. As does her sister Kaya. So i will start blogging the things they say. They will be titled From the mouth of..... today we had a great day spent with our fabulous neighbors, but like all great days...bath time nears and we must clean up. After about 16 ' Ava! You need to clean up...we need to go home's ' she says in front of everyone " Mom--- can't you just be PATIENT!"   Gotta love it.

Some of my faves...

Newly divorced, well almost..I looked back at some photos and had a huge overflow of memories. I will admit my marriage in theory was not a bad one. My relationship with my husband just wasnt a great one. I settled for less than I wanted for many years but I will alwasy cherish my children and our family and the memories we will always share. Eventhough I am sure he does not feel the same. I found this disc of many pics from when the girls were little. I can't believe how much these girls have grown. Its really sad because time is flying by... here are a few memories I'd like to share...some of my faves!

Football Season

So..I am a Baltimore Raven Football fan, hence the purple. Ive always been a football fan but the past two years Ive become a huge football and sports fan! My friends are all crazy football fans so I have so many funny stories that I wanna share! Ive been to tons of games the past two years, I'm pretty lucky Ive been able to go to so many but ive got some friends with some great seats! I went to the first game of the season on September 11 against the Steelers. HUGE game-- so excited! My friend Sam and I are so psyched for this. Plan to tailgate, get new jerseys...I make 215 jello shooters! All purple! The morning of this game we leave to tailgate...with about 15 people, mostly people , guys we work with. I start pounding jello shots like its my JOB. Friends advising me to eat but I dont....Im feeling fine at this point , ive lost count of the shots but they are pretty good. Walking into the stadium Im feeling good still. Get to our seats which are real GOOD by the way. They bring this huge flag out on the field in remembernce of Sept 11...its pretty amazing, emotional.  As i stand i start to get woozy. Like....real woozy....So i sit. I feel pretty nauseous so i walk to the bathroom. Immedialty start puking in the hallway...like...massive. Run , while im puking in my hand....puke my guts up, literally... ribs feel like they are breaking, stomach is feeling like a black hole. Leaning against the bathroom wall i gather myself up and walk back . Sam is gone, so i sit alone. I realize its like almost halftime, how long was i gone? Good lord, the nausea came back that quick...i rise out of my seat and feel the puke in my throat, shit not again...Running to the bathroom...puking in my hand again...i jump in front of about 50 drunk chicks...who obviously get pissed..to run and steal the next available stall to lose about 10 lbs of throw up AGAIN! Not realizing im in this bathroom FOREVER...the attendant comes to the unlocked half open stall door to rub my back and ask if i'm ok. I clean my self up, pick up the foam finger ive been carrying around and walk out. I decide to eat something. Chicken tenders, that'll do it. As im eating and swaying I see my boss's brother who decides to walk me to my seat.  No Sam again...so i sit alone and eat my tenders. Somehow i get popcorn also and later Sam returns. APparenlty i scared alot of people with my dissapearance and she had been searching for me. The game ends and my head is spinning but my stomach is better. We meet up with my friends and co workers who all laugh at me and think i'm crazy. A couple guys saw me earlier walking around, wandering....with my foam finger pointing at my throw up stains, some saw me running...some heard some women complaining about me in the bathroom. Needless to say I made a complete fool of myself, wasted a wonderful ticket to a freaking awesome game...missed all but like 20 mins of the game and made myself a complete and utter mess.  Here are a few memories.,,,

2012

Starting this 2012 I have made a few changes, first and foremost I broke up with Facebook. It was a big step but a good one. FB made me crazy-- my ex husband got one and blah blah. Annoying. So i deleted it. My theory is if you want to get ahold of me or see how im doing- you will find me. You have my number and you can text me, you can also email me. After like a week I started going thru some sort of socail media withdrawl, also started getting texts from friends saying they missed my humor and stories about my kids!  I missed expressing my feelings too! and I missed Celebrity GOSSIP majorly! So i joined Twitter! I love Twitter, its easy and fun and I also read Tweets from all my favorite Celebs! I'm really hoping That Tori Spelling will see what a huge fan I am of hers and her hubbys show and retweet me! haha! Maybe? I also realized that --- I had this blog that i rarley use! What am i thinking, this blog is the perfect way to express so much! So ive decided that I am going to blog weekly! I'm saying weekly because I HOPE to blog daily but I am not sure that can happen! I also want to start documenting funny things my kids are saying and doing! I need a way to keep these memories, especially the funny ones!  So today I am vowing this blog is going to be good. Keep reading!