So...I'm new at this bloggin' thing but I like to read other peoples blogs so I figured what am I waiting for, create your own. I have alot to say on a normal day to day basis and maybe there are people that just wanna read what I have to say. So for starters let me tell you a little about myself. I'm a newly single mother of 3 girls. I am 30 years old. I was married for 9 yrs and had my first daughter at 19. You can imagine the past 9 yrs of my life have been pretty much the unselfish life of a young mom. I would never trade my girls for anything in the world but maybe change the order in which my life evolved after the age of 18.... When I should have been having a blast being a high school graduate and preparing for college. I was preparing for a baby. No my life at 19 as a ' teen mom' was not the life I anticapated for myself. But like i said....woudnt
trade my life or my girls for anything!
Quickly after having the baby I married her father which whom I will remain nameless. I married him honestly because it was the right thing to do. The right thing in my families eyes, churches eyes...best thing to do was become a family for my daughters sake...even if I was only 20 yrs old I had to marry him. Or did I? 2 more daughters later, alot of stress, no money and a relationship that was slowly diminishing I was in over my head. I found myself consumed with worry, doubt, sadness. I never really seen my friends, never went on dates with my husband. Never felt love from him, Never showed love to him. Realized after my third daughter I had to get out. For years I debated leaving, risking all we had for happiness I wasnt sure existed? Taking a chance...would I hurt my self , him or our kids? I shouldnt feel this way, i'm wasnt even 30.
Fast forward to last year. I remember waking up one morning thinking to myself i'm not happy. I love my kids and I love being a mom but i hate my life. I wanted to be loved and happy. So i started doing things for me. Spending time wtih friends, doing things for myself and I liked it. Summer of 2010 our marriae ended . When I walked out the door of our home with my 3 daughters in tow, I never looked back.
Things first off, have not been easy. I think this blog is going to help me sort out my real feelings and maybe even help me find myself in the process. So bear with me! There are a few facts I want to set straight. My husband is a great guy. Great father and was a great husband and provider. I just didnt love him , like that. and honeslty he didnt love me like that either. The that i'm referring to is-- romanace, passion, friendship..pure closeness, companionship. We didnt' have that. Ever.
I spent many nights crying and sick. Never regretting my decision but in pain for my children and for him. Its been exactly 8 months and I can honeslty say I am feeling relief and at ease some. Life is a challenge, kids are a challenge and so is a marriage. So here I am ...30 years old. A little late in life some might say but for me, this is only the beginning!
