Its been awhile...

Sorry its been awhile since I last posted. I promised this year I would do better and I did for awhle then it went all to crap. SO..I turned 31 and got a real big girl JOB! Yep, no more pajama days and drinking coffee all day life...I am a nine to fiver-er. Well, a 730 leave for columbia to be ready for work at 830 driving home in rush hour ttaffiic for 45 mins job! So I now work in the medical research field. I am research assistant for a company called Rx trials. Its compelty different than antyhing Ive done before. I'm in a office, inside a big medical practice. I feel slightly inadequate to the other girls because i have no knowledge of anything! One thing i do have to say is everyone is so nice!!!!!!! I'm getting the jist of medical research life and am even assigned my first study. COLOSCOPYS. Ha. Yep, what a shitty job but hey someones gotta do it! So i'm a working girl, learning and more tired than ever but this is a good thing! I'm looking forward to learning more and growing and maybe finding a rich doctor? IM KIDDING!  So thats what new with me, things you can probably imagine are hectic. Lacrosse starts tomorrow for Drew, soccer is ending and i'mstill working at Berthas the weekends! Can't give up that job, i love my Berthas crew and even my cute boss.  The life of a single mom, 2 jobs...I'm gonna make it. p.s sorry for the typos! I need a fill in - my nails are getting tyoo long! oops!

Brushing my teef

   Me: Lilly! What are you doing?

   Lilly:  Just brushing my teef with Kaya's toof brush, I already brushed my teef and now I'm brushing my
   teef again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Playground time

No i didnt forget...

 I havent forgotten my first born Drew. I wanna say how proud I am of her lately. Adjusting to middle scbool ha s been tough on her.  Kids are mean, bullying is a real thing and the work is tough. You want to give your children room and space to grow and make decisions, the right decisions but you also want to keep them in a little bubble and protect them forever. With Drew's impending age of 12 approaching in March I get nervous. Teenage years are coming and she's going thru alot. Not only the middle thing but life without two married parents and spending time with each parent. I know its hard and probably the most hardest on Drew. She's active in soccer for all seasons and let me tell you....making her mama proud! I love going to her games. I feel like I have terets becuase I yell and say things that I dont even control. I usually get yelled at the end of each game but Drew knows im just excited.  I'm also proud to say she had a freakin great report card! Drew is such a good kid, homebody and quiet.  Doesn't need to go out and do stuff, see a movie or eat at a resturant. She loves being home and loves hugs. I have to admit we've had our share of problems esp since the split but she and I have become very close latley and as a mother I love it.  Drew , you make me one proud mother. Love u.

#2

   Kaya Marley is my #2 daughter. Born second ,  Kaya is special to me. She is going to be 8 years old in April. I planned my pregnancy with Kaya, I wanted her to be born in the Spring and everything went as expected. Well, most everything. From the minute I took a pregnancy test I was sick. I was sick for 9 whole months with Kaya. I puked and dry heaved every single day. I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt do anything. Had to be put on chemotherpy medication for nausesness and counted the days till delivery. I was due April 24th 2004. Around the first week in April I started begging my doctor to induce me, I also did all the things you can start doing to bring on labor...walking constantly. Bouncing on balls, you name it.  The second week in april I was already dilated and my doctor was going to do some precedure to make labor come on and it was horrific. Painful but I did it. She knew I was so miserable, still puking and couldnt eat. I still walked, walked Arundel Mills mall and White marsh mall and the neighborhood. This is digusting, I gave myself enemas to make myself  go to the bathrrom becuase the process of cleaning yourslef out can bring on labor. I was crazy. One day I was feeling horrible and walked all around and bounced on a ball and went to bed that night not feeling hot. Woke up around 12:40 in severe pain. Needless to say Kaya came like a bolt of lightening in one hour and forty mins later.April 16th, 8 days early! No epidurial,  she came fast. When I looked at that small dark haired baby despite the misery of 9 months and misery of complete natural childbirth in less than 2 hrs I was so in love. She had dark fuzz down her back and face, looked just like her father I was so bummed. All this pain for the kid to look like her dad! What the heck!  Just like the first day of pregnancy I was sick, the first day of life for Kaya....she cried. And cried. And cried. Months passed and she still cried, only at night but she cried. During the day...pure joy and happiness. At night she cried.  I didnt know what I did wrong or what was wrong but it was agony I admit. We nicknamed her Krya.. finally around 2 yrs old while I was pregnant with baby number three, Ava we found out she had several problems. First lactose intorlerant, stomach issues with sugar and possible night terrors. Poor child. Now at almost 8 she is the happiest child.  Never met a child more loving and affectionate. She loves life. She loves her friends and family , she loves outdoors but loves tv. Loves hugs and cuddling. Loves her cat Maxie. Loves her bear ' beary' and loves god and her church family. Loves food, loves comfty clothes. Loves seeing her dad. Loves writing in journals and reading books. Loves her sisters and her Mama.  I know some people say things about middle children and such but with Kaya she is no middle child. She is energetic and enthuiastic about everything. I love the energy and joy of life about Kaya. She is so full love. I am sad to see her turning 8 and growing up on me. I love waking up to that toothless smile wanting to cuddle. Dropping her off at school where she eagerly jumps out of the car so excited to be there! Listening to her prayers as she prays for her already dead family members and dead dog that they all have a great time in heaven. Also that she has good days in school and sometimes that she gets stuff like presents but also for sick family and how she is thankful for everyone !  I look forward to seeing the wondeful person Kaya will become.  She inspires me on days where I dont feel like getting out of bed to get up and be happy.  Since the first day I antipated this little girls arrival has been full of surprises but in the end, Kaya will always have this extra special place in my heart.

February already...

Feels barly like winter, barly like 2012..and February is already here. I miss the days when it snowed and schools were closed and we were stuck indoors watching t.v or outiside making snow angels. Now if schools are closed I'm dreading it secretly because the kids will be home. Bored after 5 minutes and tracking snow and water everywhere.  Ha. Thats terribly to say outloud i know. I'll just stick to thinking it. Anyway, no snow around here lately. Seems like as I get older the time goes by faster and seasons seem to get shorter for some reason. A reason unknown to me, maybe I'm just getting older. Speaking of getting older. My birthday is next Monday. The big 3-1! I also remember the days when birthdays meant parties and presents and cake.  I will miss the party and presents, hoping to get a cake.  I can't say I'm dreading 31, turning 30 has shown me new meaning to life and love and happiness. Also a new way of life, choices and all around attiude towards everything.  Since my seperation I've became sorta free in more ways than one. Kinda carefree, which as my dad says I need to crack down better on the important things like bills and money.  Ive just came to terms that money to me means nothing. Money doesnt buy happiness nor does it buy love . 30 has shown me more confidence in just about everything I do, I've switched career paths, i guess you could say career? and i love it. Yes i need a new job , I do have a interview next week for a new job but Ive been learning to adapt and cope in all situations. I can honeslty say more good and bad have happened to me in the last year than ever in my life.  I'm excited to see what 31 brings me. Whatever it is, bring it on...I'm ready.

Let me outta here.

I love the fact that I live next door to my mom and dad and when I come outside this is what I see at the front door. Lilly...usually jumping up and down trying to unlock the front door to run to my house! Or run outside! This girl cannot wait for Spring, we are going to have our hands full keeping her in the yard because all she wants to do is run and play. Which is awesome, yet exhausting.  The other I was outside walking over to my mom's ....this is what greeted me. haha....get the windex Ma...